my dreams & me, NOT U.

who r u to tell me wat can and can't my dreams be,
who r u to tell me wat shud or shouldn't i achieve,
who r u to tell me who to be or not to be,
who r u to tell me wat can and can't i do,
who r u to tell me wat can or can't i become,
who r u to tell me how can or can't i live,
who r u to tell wat the world expects of me,

coz in the end, wat i become is wat i make of myself, good or bad...
juz coz ur the older one, it doesn mean u right...
juz coz i don have enough yet, doesn mean i can't have it all...
juz coz she says its not necessary, my dreams shud be put aside...
juz coz im not smart doesn mean i cant do it...
juz coz u din do it when u were given the chance to, doesnt mean i wont be able to do it...

let me be who i wanna be, and u'll see how everything turns out...
don look down on me or don put me down juz coz my dreams r bigger than urs...

i have the right to live my dreams the way i want to...
as long as it doesn't affect u, juz live ur own life and let me live mine...

the Kenyan culture..

This is something really interesting...
We see this in movies and who'd guess dat its their culture for real... who'd guess dat a country facing poverty and shortage of food could afford to offer such 'cool' and 'hip' services to their public... the major question is how can the government afford to provide all this facilities... according to my Kenyan fren, she calls it an "organized mess"... which really is true, come to think of it...
check this out... this is their public transportation back in Kenya...

the original definition....

A "Matatu" is a mode of transport in Kenya that falls between private transport and conventional bus transport. Matatus have fixed routes, but "unfixed" stops and time schedules. They stop anywhere to pick or drop passengers. They operate from some time after 5am to around 9pm.

wat the Kenyans have made it...

Talk of a pimped-out public transport system, then Kenya is the place to be. These mini-buses with creative graffiti, loud music thundering through their tinted windows, in-door entertainment, the nasty & rowdy rides and in some cases the high-pitched "frenoh" that pumps out the exhaust system like a jet engine, or at times turbo-charged with its noise-making exhaust pipes (mufflers) which growl loud when they accelerate, loud hooting, flashy lights... are all that makes a "MATATU"... a mobile disco young Kenyans love to jav (travel) with.
Matatu isn't just about transport, it's also our culture, our way of life... the streets, the arts, the music, our expressions, our talents, uniting people.

the exterior...

the interior...

Many Kenyan matatus are well equipped with powerful car audio systems, including high-powered woofers, sub-woofers and Plasma/ LCD screens. Loud music & graffiti is a popular means of advertising, the theory being that the matatu with the loudest & most fashionable hip-hop or reggae music, and cool graffiti would appeal to a larger crowd, hence making higher profits.

check this out..

Therefore a trip to Nairobi cannot be complete without a ride in a Matatu :-)

Discrimination!!!

I've somehow always like the idea of living n studying overseas... but only recently I realized dat being a foreigner, no matter where, isn't as easy n cool as it seems...

I often ask the foreigners at my uni, how do they find living in Malaysia?? how do they find the ppl aroun here??... n they all come up wit the same answer, saying dat we're very anti-social n prefer sticking to our own ppl... It is very very true... leave alone foreigners, look at us locals, there is a huge gap between the Malays, Chinese and Indians... this can be interpreted as most of us being more comfortable wit our own kind...
back to y we, the locals try to minimize out contact wit the foreigners... we're juz afraid of u ppl... there r so many rape cases n stuff like dat happening aroun here... we're not pointing fingers at all of u... but its the few rotten apples dat cause us to reject the whole bucket altogether...its better being safe than sorry...
but being mistaken for one of em, thus living in their shoes, i realized it really sux...
i was in a group assignment wit 2 black girls... 1 from Uganda n da other from Kenya... when we were out to complete a certain task for dat assignment... ppl assuming da 3 of us as internationals, they refused to even acknowledge our presence... they treated us wit no respect... n when we were trying to get our way aroun and ask for assistance, ppl aroun refused to talk to us and juz brushed us away...
i as a local felt very ashamed and hurt... imagine how wud they feel getting treated dat way everywhere they went... it mus really sux... i really sympathize for these ppl...
being away from home in a new society and all, i bet da least we cud do is welcome them and at least respect them as human despite their color and physic...
coz being taken as one of them juz for a few hours really made a huge impact on me both emotionally and mentally... put urself in their shoes n u'll understand wat they go through...
wat happen to Malaysians being well known as 'Masyarakat Sopan Santun'??? looks like all the values taught in school has only gone to waste... sigh!!!

Memories from before... (2008)

U never take the initiative of listening to the lyrics, till ur in a similar situation, n suddenly the lyrics to songs u have been listening to over the years start making sense n actually mean something to u...








"U dedicated these songs to me, they were promises made by u to me... I agreed to wait when u asked me to... Where r u now??? Ur nowhere to be seen, not anymore..."

Answers for u...

i've always been the type to try bring a song to life... relate it to situations or experiences i have come across or juz let my imagination run wild by creating a whole new situation...
This song is something some1 i know would be able to relate to...

Sometimes we done see things the way others do... or maybe we choose to be blinded by all the good things, dat we tend leave out the bad... wat we think might or might not be perfect, will be the total opposite to the other..
n therefore i m dedicating this for dat some1...
i know, after so long u still keep knocking ur head for answers askin when n where it all went wrong... yes, we did believe n build this whole idea dat it was gonna be unbreakable, but it was only an idea based on the start of it all... everything is beautiful in the beginning... n no im not saying dat the beauty got washed away... it still remained n im sure still does till today but the sad part is we stopped acknowledging it, stopped lookin and searching for the new n juz tried holding on to wat we tot was great... ppl grow, they mature n learn more bout what they want and how they want it... n yes i know u did to... but dat doesn mean dat the person u once neglected is still gonna be there when u realise dat u've been gone for too long... dat is wat happen here... while u were out there chasing after wat u tot was ur only chance to grab, i was achieving my dreams n goals, n being there waiting on u only felt like i was being tied down...don hate me, for i tried my very best to be there, n when i couldn, i tried to work somethin out...
its not my fault u din take me seriously when i was out there trying to make things clear to u... how much can a person try.. u keep telling me dat my indications weren’t clear enough... maybe i suck at expressing myself... maybe im juz like any other ~ COMPLICATED... but dat doesn mean u couldnt have asked.. u did not put in as much initiative as u think u did... u juz din bother... u got too comfortable and felt too secure... n look where it ended... n now, after a year, instead of lookin at where to correct urself n move on, ur still looking on wat i did wrong... CHANGE!!!...
all im saying is, im not perfect n neither r u... but don keep looking at my faults n rectify urs... there is so much more to life than juz lookin at the past n crying n whining bout wat he or she did to u... instead appreciate dat da person still cares for u... n try to see where u can go from here...

"this is my answer to all ur questions… I have nothing more than juz this"

Random Tuesday morning nonsense...

ITS 3:32am on a tues... im sitting here in front of my pc trying to figure out a way to sum up this source code for my java assignment - Fiver Board Panel... n to add to this complication i have this individual from almost 2 years back questioning me bout wat had gone wrong n how did it go wrong...
"it was all WRONG to start with, then wat more how n wat went wrong"... SIGH!!!
stop askin me if im ready to explain or answer to ur questions... i don find the need to answer to u or to clear ur doubts, but even if i did there is really nothing to tell... nothing happen, i juz moved on... im hoping u do to... its time u did...

anywayz, for the one who came up wit this board game, im cursing u bad... no matter how easy a code im given to deal wit, i would never be able achieve anything out of it.. its like i've been cursed to sux at programming... no matter how much i try... "why oh why?? where have i sinned"... better be getting back to the FiverBoardPanel now... daymn!!! :(

TIME!!!

This is a collage made by Elaine n I in conjunction to Shad's b'day n suprise visit to Cyber... mostly Elaine while i sat n supported her... more like pressured her wit my nonsense... haha..

its a collection of wat we've collected of the 3 (Elaine-the pig, Shad-the donkey and i-the cute lil cow) of us since alpha... its been over 4 years n this is all we have of us together... im here claiming dat u guys r one of my bestest peeps n yet having such a shameful num of pics together... SIGH!!!

but i really wanna tell u guys dat i've had the best times every time we're together... especially the laughter, not having to care who is aroun n wat they think of us... we could go all day making fun of each other bout things we know r true n yet instead of keeping it at heart, we laugh about it together... i really miss Alpha n being young... i hope dat our paths always cross... n i know dat we'll be frens no matter wat... love you guys loads...

something to read n think bout...

continues....

Confused!!

I've always stuck to the saying "like some1 who likes u rather than liking some1 who u liked"...
Now since i've seen and experienced more of the world, i personally think dat one shud go for wat they want n like rather than juz pleasing others... *confused*
Which is the correct thing to do???

Having trying to live life both ways, i personally find dat following the initial is much more easier... but the question is... R U HAPPY AT THE END OF THE DAY??...

Imagine trying to like some1 n suit urself accordingly juz coz they like u and the only reason u've got to hold on to being wit em is dat it was the right thing to do or it guarantees u something a lil more assuring...
but remember this.. this person who likes u isn some1 u hate, isn some1 less attractive or anything of dat sort in any way.. its juz dat u find some1 else more attractive then this one person, or in other words ur liking towards him isn the same as wat he has towards u... wat happens?? wat wud u do??


So now, having to decide dat the latter is the correct thing to do... how do we go about it???
Speaking as a female here... some guys believe dat we women should not be the ones making the first move... we should let the guyz do it... which i personally think contradicts wit the whole idea of having to go for some1 we like... its one sided.. meaning, the guy will always get wat he wants, while we poor women will juz have to wait... n if we did anything making even the slightest move, we'd be labeled bitches or a person who is way too easy...

Being an Indian i always thought dat only the Indian guys were conservative to judge and label us girls, but only now i realize dat men r juz pure men... there is no race or ethnic to divide em in any way when it comes to women...

Please do leave ur opinions bout wat u really think bout this... coz as much as we think we're living in a modern world, most of em out there r still very narrow minded when it comes to things like this... in my own words i would define all this ppl sexist...

Perhaps we women should live according to this:-
I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
~Madonna Ciccone