21!!!

today i realized dat 21 has made me a better person... juz within a matter of months into turning 21 i realized dat i have matured a lot...

A year ago i had a huge argument wit a very close fren... a fren dat was my only company in class n a fren who knew everything bout me during dat period of time... i was there for her when she needed a shoulder to lean on... i tried to make her strong n not feel the emptiness when she had no1 to turn too... i introduced her to my close frens... i made her one of us... i made sure she never felt left out... i included her in every one of my plans wit the gals... dats how much i tried being a good fren... but at the end of the day, she betrayed me... she told some1 very close to me at dat point dat i wasn being sincere, which wasn true n when she was one of them who knew the real story... every time i needed advise i went to her n i always asked her to tell me if i was doin something wrong or something i shouldn be doin... but she use to assure me dat i was on the right track... all i was hurt bout was 'Y couldn she have confronted me or told me straight when i asked her for her opinion'... 'Y did she tell on me???'... dat was something i couldn understand... coz if i were her, i would have told my fren off instead of telling the third party bout my fren.. as much as i tried to be there for her when she was down she tore me into pieces when i was doin perfect... n all this was done while she was still being the person to hear all my stories... she had told this third person not to tell dat she was the one who told bout me...

n knowing MMU is a very small place... n stories move aroun fasted than a bullet train, i found out within a matter of days dat she was the one who told on me... n therefore i confronted her and to cover up she told this person dat i was only doin dat to get back on her... so i decided dat i wud be the beter person n screw everything... so i stopped talkin n juz disconnected everything wit her...

n after more than a year... today i met her at the MMU convocation... she had come wit my frens as they were her frens too... so as i was wit these bunch of guys she suddenly pops up... n i as usual ignore her presence...
but after awhile n after being told dat y not i say hie as i wont lose much... i do...
i go up to her n start a very random conversation bout how is she n how's everything wit her... n the 1st thing she says is she din expect me to talk to her... n i tell her to leave everything in the past as its over n ppl do things sometimes without thinkin... n same goes to me... so we exchange apology n hugs too... then talk for a bit more n i move away... as i don wanna make things anymore complicated...
n during dat time did i realise dat man i have matured a lot... it isn easy to forgive and forget... but i did... my mum has always told me dat the easiest way to clear ur sins is to forgive and forget... coz as long as u hold dat anger n grudge its only gonna bring u down someday... but despite her preaching she still cant seem to forgive some ppl... but im glad dat her teaching has taught me something n has made me a better person... n to be truthful i did not lose anything doin wat i did today... it only made me feel better...
and i m very proud of wat i did...

some of the pictures from our outing...

the outing was superb.. had loads of fun... me, jeya, atiqah, nina... we shud do this more often... hope to see u guyz real soon...

catching up!!!

i can say dat i m not a very frenly person, as im often labeled a snob... but one thing is for sure... when i make frens i make GOOD frens.. i din have many frens in kindy coz i always had this inferiority dat i wasn good enough coz my mum use to compare me to my other frens... she only meant well but it kinda brought me down... n this is one of the shitty reasons y u shud not have ur mum teach in the same school u go to... unless ur the type of kid who stood out or at least cared to stand out in a good way... so anyway i only began to make frens... meaning good frens, frens i clicked wit beginning wit primary school...

my group of frens did change at every stage of my life... and i did stop or reduce my interactions wit the previous groups every time i got a new group... but i never stopped cherishing the wonderful moments we've had together...
Now...
i guess its juz the age... the age where u wanna collect all those lil pieces of ur childhood and put em together, afraid u might lose em... the period where u realize, damn im getting old n if i don catch up wit this ppl now it'll be too late...
so some of us who were frens in primary school did meet up a few weeks ago... we couldn really remember who else was in our group but the obvious ones were only Rachel, Mandy, Pei Shern (since std 2) (couldn make it as she was back in Penang) n i... the 4 of us were really close frens in primary school... we use to do everything together... hang out during recess... sit together in class.. n go to each others house n stuff like dat... cant really recall the exact moments but wat i can recall is we were this gang... if im not mistaken we called ourselves the 'COOL GANG' ... how lame... hahaha... damn the school rules n regulations for not letting us bring out cams to school... they basically stole our childhood from us... sob sob...
anyway thinkin dat we wouldn have much in common since it was 9 years since we last spoke, though we were in the same school our whole schoolin life...trust me from the sec we met till the time we left (forced to leave as it was running late)... we met for lunch, we hopped 2 places in 6 hours... juz sitting n talkin.. we had so much to catch up on... n to think bout it, we r still pretty much the same ppl... we look the same... we still r as expressive as we use to be... truthfully i cant think of any change other than of course the usual... n i realized at dat point 'shit im getting older'... yes im only 21 but ur no more dat kid... even if u were, u were not allowed to let it out... u've come to a stage where ur given the resposibility of playing this matured role... i m only a few steps into it n im already missing my childhood... god i've got a long way more to go... its sad... haih...




ok so considering da fact dat time is running out n i have many more group of frens to catch up wit since school... my next big gathering is today... for lunch... this time it's gonna be the JANYL's.. but unfortunatesly the L cant make it... as usual something has come up... *winkz* no offense ha... so yeah it's already almost 7 in the morning n i blady hell cant sleep due to overdose of coffee... n i have to leave at 11 latest in order to be in One Utama by lunch... unless my bro is nice enough to come pick me up... which i know for sure will not happen... so... haih i better go get some rest... hopefully im not late... as punctuality is my num 1 prob... aight need my beauty sleep... cant have puffy eyes as there is gonna be hellofalota cam whoring...

feelin shitty... ARGH!!!

Today, isn a very good day for me...
nothing really happen... but i have been feelin very shitty... its juz due to something some1 told me... this person (X) prob din mean to be harsh or rude but maybe X thought it was the truth n he was close enough to juz tell me wateva he felt...
i have always been the type of person who says n does things as to not hurt or harm any1... though at times i do tend to, but it isn intentional...
this thing X told me made me feel as if i wasn good enough... juz not good at all...
i have always been this person with not very high self-esteem but i always managed to live pass it by trying to be a better person... this character of mine has brought me a long way... but at times... for instance times like this... i totally break down... i know it'll pass.. tom will be a new day n i will still come back to my usual self... but still, wat i don und is y do ppl do this??? y do ppl say things like this... certain things r jus best kept to em selves... but on the other hand wat right have they got to judge... sigh... its jus very disappointing when u try to be there so much to lift em up when they r down but they on the other hand... juz go on living their lives like nothing else matters except wat they feel... stop being selfish!!!... don juz live for urself... make the ppl aroun u happy in order for u to share dat happiness together...